Reminiscing over you.........(My God)

I have lost more than a few friends to addiction, but these past few years have been the worst. This morning I was reminiscing over another friend that passed this year. So I wanted to post a song I wrote and recorded with a good friend of mine, Justin Stoltzfus. Justin is an extremely talented and accomplished composer/musician. Justin and I have been writing and recording a few things, so I will continue to post updates to keep yall abreast of the situ-ation.

Richard Tracy. He was a one of a kind. Still missing you Rich1, Cheers mate.

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I take another pill
to suppress the pain
I know it makes things worse
but still I can't refrain

The moment it kicks in
I can forget about it all
but it just pushes it down deeper
tangled up in a ball

of fear, anger, hate
and the feelings of despair
like I'm drowning in the ocean
always fighting for air

why can't i stop
or just put them away
I always need them near
I need that feeling to stay

I chase that first rush
try to get that first high
it's never like it was
no matter how much I try

I don't want it to continue
I don't want it to end
but I feel so alone
sometimes the emptiness is my only friend

I don't shoot it, I don't sniff it
so it seems more elite
and if I don't have it, or don't use it
most nights I won't sleep

it's not a problem or a habit
unless to it I admit
but that's not the case and I know it
trying to feed myself my own line of shit

An everyday occurrence
on an hourly basis
it sounds just like a habit
but I just cannot face it

It's not the high I rely on
it's my normalcy crutch on which I lean
in the mirror I see no junkie
but do others see a fien?

you say I might be hooked
and I say no I'm not
you say I should just shake it
I explain that it is all I've got...

Do I have to hit the bottom
or can I duck out while on top?
There is no time like the present
to make the move to stop.

for my family and my friends
for my future and my health
if not for my dad
I should do it for myself.

Eyes don't dry...

I'll just let you know that no matter how much time goes by, I do not feel better about my father being gone. Saturday I went down do Goodtime Charlie's Tattooland and saw Jack Rudy for some skin coloring. He hooked it up something proper. So fucking proper. If you look into my eyes, you will see exactly how I feel about my dad being gone, and how this tattoo makes me feel by looking at it.

Got a new toy for my birthday

Jimmy Nelson R.I.P.

This is a poem written by Julie Nelson a very good friend of mine. Her brother just passed, whom was a friend of mine, an old neighbor, and a great person. He will be missed greatly, and to Julie and Jackie and her family, I am so sorry. I have shed tears for you Jimmy, and your family. You can best believe I will be blasting some Black Flag and Germs for you while drinking 40oz's this weekend. I'm so fucking sorry your gone. Hope you are in a good place bro. This bud's for you.


Beloved Brother

You were the most beautiful soul I’ve known since the day I was born
Now, without your smile and laughter, I selfishly mourn
You have always been beyond me; I have always tried to catch you
But you were always so free, even my embrace of love could burn you too

A drifter, a storyteller, Pete’s Dragon, Dr. Feelgood, Jack Kerouac and my role model, all rolled into one
I would give anything if someone could just tell me our time together isn’t really done
As much as I didn’t always understand your life, your choices and the time you stole my stereo
Your life-invincible, really made you my superhero

I get caught up in this life, by all the things you choose to avoid
I work and pay bills, sit in traffic and stress about who knows what, wile you turn your back to it to be part of life’s joyed
As different as we could be, you taught me to laugh and no one could ever do it better
So why’d you have to go and take a f*ckin’ header!?!

You are brilliant, you draw people, you are compassion, love, strength and humor
As amazing as you were, you held a torture I couldn’t touch or cure
Tragically, your own worst enemy
I have always missed you, but trying to accept I will never see you again, how can anything else be?

I thought you were an angel
You could speak to anyone and make them smile
I thought you were going to save souls no one else could speak to
Because that was the magic of you

I guess you’re really our guardian angel now
How did this happen now – how? how? how?
I thought you were done, you promised me
Why’d you go back, Jimmy?

How are we supposed to smile – knowing our big brother is gone?
How am I supposed to have my baby knowing it will never meet its uncle?
Did you know what you were doing?
Is this God’s will?

I don’t want to accept it
I refused to believe, too great of a hit
But they keep telling me its you,
Not believing, won’t make it not true

Dammit, Jimmy, I’m already torn up missing you!!!






"If someone is too tired to give you a smile, leave one of your own, because no one needs a smile as much as those who have none to give. .."

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch